二十歳より貫けるもの一つあり盤上みつむる君の眼差し
since
I was
twenty,
one thing has been
through
me…
the
look in your eyes
staring
at the Go board
From Tanka Topos/ 短歌とぽす No.13
(C)Rika nami稲美里佳
今年も残すところあと僅かとなりました。この頃にため息まじりで漏らすのは、
「あの男と今年も会えなかった」です。
この台詞は、此処10年以上続いています。わたしの愛する家族は「直ぐに来てくれるよ」と励ましてくれ、わたしは、そうわたしは、しばらくの間はその一言に励まされ期待をしていたのですが、その期待は、年数を追って薄れあわくなっていきました。今では、ほとんど夢まぼろしのようなものですが、それでも、わたしはその夢のなかに生きているのです。
何かといえば、彼の存在を感じています。わたしは世にいうところの騙された女なのでしょう。それを熟知してはいるのですが、諦めきれず夢のなかに生きているのは、ひとつにはっきりとした物理的な理由があります。
それは、わたしの愛する、わたしが責任をもたなければならない家族との関係です。とても思い責任です。言い変えるならば、この家族との重い絆あって、わたしは彼と途切れない関係があるともいえます。
<in English>
We are almost at the end of another year.
It's around this time that I let out the words with a sigh.
"I couldn't see that guy again this
year.
I have been saying this for more
than ten years now. My beloved family encouraged me that he would come soon,
and for a while, I was encouraged and hoped for the best, but that hope has
faded and grown dim with each passing year. Now, it is almost like a dream, but
I am still living in that dream.
If anything, I feel his
presence. I guess people call me a deceived woman. There is one exact physical
reason why I cannot give up and live in the dream, even though I know it very
well.
It is the
relationship with my family that I love and for which I have to be responsible.
It's an arduous responsibility and burden. In other words, because of this
heavy bond with my family, I have kept an unbroken relationship with that man.
Poet of the Fifth Dimension/ 五次元歌人
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German Tanka Magazine: Einunddreißig 31
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My Tanka and me on 25, 26-27,47,67, 74, 78, 80-81
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